Buffaloes welcome in Saphan Kwai
A naked dancer walked to the centre of the stage, only a yard from my ringside seat.
She placed a large glass on the floor in front of her. Then she stood motionless, her face a picture of concentration. Was she going to take a very public leak? Suddenly, something started stirring down below. It was almost as though she was about to give birth. Then she did - to an egg, which arched down to the waiting glass and shattered. She repeated the unusual trick before walking away to polite applause.
This wasn't Patpong, where darts and ping-pong balls have been pussy-launched into the atmosphere since time immemorial. This was Bangkok's fourth and largely unknown - among farangs - gogo bar area: Saphan Kwai on Sutthisan Road.
The egg show was in a bar called Music VDO. It is on a strip of eight or nine gogo and karaoke bars in an unremarkable suburban area situated halfway between Victory Monument and Mo Chit. This is where working-class Thais go to play and, as such, the rules of the game are very different from those in Patpong, Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy.
Prices are lower. A large bottle of beer is generally 100 baht or less. Small bottles of beer are generally 80 baht, compared to 130 or more in the farang gogo areas. Many Thai customers share a bottle of whisky and even a multi-course meal. You will be served your drinks by your personal waitress and never have to top up your glass yourself. Even beer is poured over ice - that's the Thai way, so don't argue.
You won't be pestered by girls begging for cola or giving you the Isaan Inquisition. In Saphan Kwai (it means buffalo bridge), the customer is king and is allowed to decide whether he wants female company and, if so, who it should be. Papasans will approach you to ask if you would like a girl, but they aren't too pushy and will go away if you tell them you are not in the market.
Quality control is obviously more rigidly enforced in Saphan Kwai. The dancers are nearly all very easy on the eye, with no fatties or sad veterans who should have retired from the chrome pole years ago. Most appear to be in the 20-24 age group. While most dancers in the farang areas are recruited from Isaan, the girls here tend to have fairer skin and be from diverse areas. The two I spoke to were from Lopburi and Chiang Mai.
If you do request a girl's company, you need not fear being scammed by a dancer downing a 150-baht tequila and announcing “I go dance”. You pay for the girl's company - generally 70-100 baht per half-hour - and are not obliged to buy her a drink. The usual routine is for her to drink from your bottle of beer or whisky.
As one would expect, the girls' level of English is usually very limited, so if your Thai is of the same lamentable level as most farangs, it is best to ask the papasan to recommend a girl with decent English. It also helps to make the party go with a swing if you are accompanied by a Thai-speaking farang.
Should you want to get to know your girl better, the barfine system is very different from that in the farang-oriented bars. As in the Philippines, you pay an all-inclusive barfine and are not expected to tip the girl, who receives half the barfine. Short time is 1,500 baht (I was told that short time constitutes three hours) and there are a number of accommodating hotels nearby. A tip of one purple note should be enough to persuade your hostess to extend short time to long time at your home.
Despite reading reports that some Thai customers resent farangs encroaching on their territory, I experienced no hostility or bad vibes on two visits to Saphan Kwai. These are difficult times for the bar industry and owners and staff are grateful to see anyone with a reasonably stocked wallet.
Apart from Music VDO, the other bars worth visiting are T DED 99, For You and Harlem Nights. T DED 99 is by far the biggest bar and has lots of girls dancing on two stages - a Thai version of Rainbow 4 in Nana Plaza - but I preferred the smaller and less businesslike Music VDO and For You. Saphan Kwai offers an interesting change of scenery that won't break the bank.
The easiest way to get to this area from Sukhumvit is by the skytrain. Get off at Saphan Kwai and walk down Phyathai Road past Big C to the first intersection. Turn left on to Sutthisan Road and walk for about 300 metres until you see the neon. Going home, when the traffic is much lighter, just hail a taxi
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