bangkok.baronbonk.com Sex in a portaloo and tales of a 40 year old Patpong

Sex in a portaloo.

I am not sure why I do not go to Patpong much these days. I suppose it is laziness as I live so much closer to other places and, of course, Patpong has had myriad problems that in the past have persuaded me that it is simply not worth the hustle. But after my trip the other night I think I will make more of an effort in the future. Apart from anything else with the average beer price at 100 Baht as compared to 145 Baht in some Cowboy bars, even on a modest night’s drinking I save money despite the additional taxi cost, and I kind of get the impression that Patpong is trying to shed its less desirable image. There certainly were not the touts around and there was big sign on the wall of Kings Castle 2 saying they were an honest business and any problems talk to the manager. Well I had no problems so I did not try out the offer but there is clearly a move afoot to get rid of the rip off image. I suppose it all started with the signing of bills to stop the serial bin stuffers.
I started off with a quick meal at Le Bouchon and thought the food was much better than on recent visits so that got me in the right mood. I then trundled round to Extra Time bar (next door to KC2) where I thought I had stashed a bottle of whisky. Fortunately Mark the owner was present and was able to solve the problem of my disappearing bottle. The unrepentant moody tart behind the bar was less accommodating saying they ‘only keep for 3 months’ and was not at all impressed when I asked Mark if they had put my two thirds of a bottle into stock! When I first arrived at Extra Time they were in the middle of a f----g quiz, I add the f-----g because every second word of some of the punters was f-----g and other round ball speak; it was in Extra Time after all! Once that was over and they f------d off, the bar reverted to a reasonably civilised retreat from the goings on outside. Mind you looking at the bottles of booze handed over to the winners of the quiz I suspect the bar made f---k all out of it!
I then popped into a couple of the Kings Group a gogos before caterpillaring over to Goldfinger’s. The familiar whiff of cigar smoke assailed me as I entered and before I could get into the party a kamikaze arrived at my elbow. Suddenly the night was taking on new dimensions. There was a well endowed blond farang woman enjoying the show and she came up to me and pointed at one girl and said “great arse.” So much for PC. So I asked whether she wanted to lick it or smack it. When she gave me a funny look I explained she could not do anything else to it!
Back across the road I had a drink in Superstar. What caught my eye were the life size images that I remember from old but had never really looked at. I suppose they should date the bar with some accuracy. There are four: an early Elvis, Marilyn with her skirt blowing up, the Beatles in Sergeant Pepper gear, and a young looking Jimmy Hendrix. All very sixties icons that go with 1968 the year that it is said that Patpong, as we know it, started. I just hope that they have a preservation order on them because they seriously good and original!
I then decided to do the short hop, skip and jump to Club Electric Blue; it was getting late so I assumed Andy would be there and maybe Mickey as well. I was wrong. Andy had gone home, presumably because of lack of business, and to be fair nowhere was full or even busy for that matter.
The Academic Baron has written about the Strip, the newish bar in the narrow part of Patpong 2. So with his cautions ringing in my ears I slithered in. ‘Tis a strange place with a disc jockey position at the front and bar at the back and what look like portaloos down either side. These are in fact circular aluminium booths with a curtain. I sat at the bar and ordered a beer. There was a price list saying, in a slightly cack handed way, that all drinks are 120 Baht and that is what they are including lady drinks. Also it explained that a personal striptease in the said portaloos was 500 Baht. So Big Andy owes me 500 Baht because, if he had been there, I would have stayed in CEB. Instead I was in this metal container with a table that took up most of the space and squeezed on to a banquette built for midgets. The jolly girl from Vientiane climbed on the table. It was exceedingly hot, so much so that the glow was glistening on her body. Striptease was not quite the correct term as an extra 300 Baht was requested to remove the hot pants. After that it seemed that all things were possible for the expenditure of a further 1,000 Baht. My only conclusion was that my youthful experience in the back of a mini would have come in handy. However as I seem to have expanded considerably from those far off days I declined the options and, as they say, made my excuses and left.
And there right outside the door was a taxi passing with light on. Meter? I asked. No problem so I did not even have to fight with the taxi mafia.
So that was one very enjoyable evening proving that even after 40 years Patpong is a street to be savoured.