We need the money screw the customers (any way you can)
HOW NOT TO RUN A GOGO BAR
As the recession bites and many dancing damsels shuffle around chrome poles in largely empty bars, owners and mamasans are resorting to desperate means to part the few customers from their precious baht.
Take Superstar in Patpong, for example. After foolishly entering this long-established bar on a quiet midweek evening, I was subjected to harassment that went off the scale. It was like being the only person without a suit at an Indian tailors’ convention.
My intention was to have a quiet beer and enjoy the eye candy, rather than be subjected to the Isaan Inquisition. So I sat at the bar near two male waiters. Big mistake. Within a minute, they had both asked me to buy them a drink. I told them that I didn’t buy lady-drinks for men. Then one produced what appeared to be an Iraqi bank note bearing Saddam Hussein’s face and asked if I would buy it for 300 baht. I politely declined and ordered another beer, which was the cue for the waiter to return with my beer and two shot glasses for the tequilas he wanted me to buy for him and his colleague. As he was about to pour the tequilas, I warned him that they would not be going on my bill.
Eager to escape these pests, I retired to a seat at the side of the bar to watch the dancers. Then Mama came over and massaged my hand for all of two seconds. “Drink for Mama?” she enquired. “No,” I replied brusquely.
She briefly retreated, only to return a minute later with two unattractive dancers. Before they could start their “where you from?” routine, I ushered them away. Equally unappealing reinforcements soon arrived, but they were more persistent than the previous pair and I could not get them to go away. I reasoned that my best action might be to choose a girl I found attractive and buy her a drink. Another mistake.
Even though I summoned a girl from the stage and bought her a drink, the leeches refused to leave. Then my new friend asked me to buy them drinks. I refused. Instead I gave them 100 baht to go away, but they still hung around like a bad smell in a lift. I took my recruit to another part of the bar, where a waitress and Mama were quickly begging drinks. I declined yet again.
Within a minute, my dancer announced “I go dance”, leaving me with only her overpriced cola for company. A waitress asked if I wanted to barfine the dancer. I explained that we might have been able to discuss such an agreement if she had not abandoned me. I added that her bar might get more barfines and lady-drinks if it treated customers better. Surprisingly, she agreed.
As I was about to pay my bill, my dancer finished her shift and came over and demanded a tip. “Tip for what?” I politely enquired as she strutted off in a huff. Guess what? I will never return to Superstar.
HOW TO RUN A GOGO BAR
Spanky’s in Nana Plaza has been released from the Arab’s iron grip by three partners – two Americans and an Englishman – who are determined to avoid going down the Superstar route to deserved failure.
While they are new to the a gogo game, they have experience in running nightclubs and have made a good start with their commitment to customer service.
Spanky’s is now probably the only a gogo bar in Bangkok where a dancer is allowed to skip her dancing slot if she is with a customer who has bought her a drink. The girls have been freed from many of the petty rules they were previously operating under. They are also supplied with free whisky to get them in the party mood.
Even better, the new owners have introduced a happy hour, with all standard drinks priced at 50 baht from 6.30pm to 8.30pm, and sometimes lay on free food.
Of course, a gogos often succeed or fail on the strength of their Isaan breeding stock. I am pleased to report that Spanky’s has some new recruits who are very pleasing on the eye. And not one came over to hustle me for a drink.
BAR BITS
Just a stone’s throw from Spanky’s on the first floor of Nana Plaza, Villa Bar has opened to replace the unsuccessful Hungry’s fast-food restaurant.
It is pushing itself by handing customers a voucher that entitles them to a standard drink for 50 baht. Even without the promotion, drinks are generally 40-50 baht cheaper than those in the nearby a gogo bars.
The bar has been nicely fitted, plays decent music and has a few non-pushy hostesses. It offers a nice change of pace from the surrounding madness.
Work has resumed, albeit slowly, on the Hollywood Inn hotel on the Nana Plaza site of the former Big Mango Bar, which closed 18 months ago and relocated further down Soi 4 after a demand for a huge rent rise from the property’s landlords.
The slow high season continues to take its toll. Tokyo Joe’s on Sukhumvit Soi 26 has closed its doors while Tequila Dragon’s poor location at the end of Sukhumvit Soi 7/1 has led to its demise. Pattaya’s popular Secrets bar is rumoured to have enquired about opening a Bangkok branch at the Tequila Dragon site, only to be deterred by a high rent demand.
At least the recession seems to have spared Washington Square from the executioner. Fans of the quaint but slightly rundown bar area feared it would close on the expiry of its lease, but the landlords have made no move to force the bars out. These depressed economic times make redeveloping the area an unattractive proposition. However one landmark, the Mambo cabaret bar, has closed.
Anyone who has issues with Bangkok taxi drivers will regard them as latter-day saints if they ever have to deal with
Koh Samui's taxi mafia, particularly those at the tourist island's tiny airport.
I landed at Samui at 10pm on Bangkok Airways' last flight of the day from Bangkok. The woman manning the minibus counter brusquely informed me that I would not be able to buy a 150-baht minibus ticket to Lamai because I was the only person wanting to go there. Fearing the worst, I headed for the taxi counter to ask how much I would be charged for the 10-kilometre journey, which would cost about 100 baht in a metered taxi in the capital.
The problem is that Samui taxis operate outside the law and won't use meters. Worse than that, they prey on stranded travellers by insisting on rates that would have shocked Dick Turpin - and at least he had the decency to wear a mask.
"Lamai 800 baht. Very cheap," said the sneering taxi tout.
"Forget it. Too expensive," I told him.
Two female Israeli backpackers then arrived at the counter. They were only going the short distance to the main resort of Chaweng but had missed the available minibuses. The taxi tout offered us what he considered a good deal - he would take all three of us and charge the girls 300 each and me 500. So he would be making 1,100 baht instead of 800 for what would have meant only a slight detour.
I told the girls that they would be better off walking. They took my advice and disappeared into the night. The taxi tout then reduced his fare for me to 600 as I told him I was dialling a friend to ask him to pick me up, but frankly I would have resented handing over one baht to the slimeball. I had to wait 30 minutes for my friend, but it was worth it to see the cabbie remain without a passenger.
Later, I learned that such practices are common at the airport. What an awful introduction to Samui it must be for many passengers at a time when Thailand's tourism industry needs to put on its most attractive face. Bangkok Airways, which owns Samui's airport, should do a lot more to ensure that minibuses are available and that their customers are not fleeced by taxi outlaws.
Walking around the streets of Lamai and Chaweng, the tourist is constantly harassed by the drivers of parked taxis that are often obstructing other traffic. Like their airport brethren, they won't use their meters and quote silly prices. They really are a blight on this beautiful island. Sadly, there is no will on the part of the local authorities or police to enforce the law and, as a result, this particular tourist won't be hurrying back to Samui.
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